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Piers Morgan, Defender of Honesty and Truth

I have just been to see Piers Morgan at the Oxford Union. I am not a happy man. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am a very angry man. I have watched this repulsive little creature speak for at least an hour, and I am left feeling physically sick from being in his presence. I don't mean to be hyperbolic: his putting on of an avuncular man-of-the-world act while placating an initially hostile audience with "juicy titbits" (his words, not mine), of "celebrity gossip", and affecting disgust for the horrible, naughty, lying Labour Government, whilst having been employed by Rupert Murdoch and having used his position as editor of the Daily Mirror to boost his share prices is genuinely unsettling. I'm left with the strong impression that this is a man who places no value on anything other than public acclaim: at one point he delivered a fairly standard denunciation of the Iraq war (complete with Blairesque hand gestures and made far more valid because "my own brother was in Basra, you know"), and seemed genuinely shaken when there was no rapturous applause. The rest of the time he seemed to be unable 10to decide whether he was a Brave Crusader For Moral Rectitude or a Hard-Headed Man of the World Practical Businessman. In fact, his anecdotage reminded me of nothing more than the episode of Alan Partridge where he attempts to dictate his autobiography, but every story contains someone more famous than him and ends with the phrase "of course, I had the last laugh". In fact, to be fair to good old Piers, he does in fact have two sorts of story: one in which he gets one over someone more famous than him, and another in which he is the innocent, honest victim of eeevil government machinations that put him at a terrible disadvantage. For one thing, he claims that the fake photos of abuse of Iraqis by British troops were genuine, and then said to be fake by the government as a cover-up. Yes. You read that right. Apparently, the testimony of various independent experts that the photos were, in fact, faked, has nothing to do with the private world of Mr Morgan. Other desperate attempts to be loved included calling Ian Hislop an "irritating little nerd", and asserting that he has the "weakest handhake I've ever felt". Basically, my point here is that this horrible little man, who only seems to respect Max Clifford and Mister (Definitely not "Rupert") Murdoch is everything that's wrong with journalism at the moment: his idea of a "good story" is not something that people need to hear, but rather something that people will think they want to hear. I won't grant the cretinous little fucker the honour of claiming that he's responsible for "the cult of celebrity" as he would like to think, but he is a symptom of a serious problem in news-delivery systems. Another of his wonderfully well-thought-out viewpoints was that he despises "celebrities"* because they are "pointless". He eruditely points out that we used to revere the talented (like Frank Sinatra), and today we revere people who had sex with famous people. After. Spending. Twelve. Minutes. Going. On. About. How. Fantastic. Princess. Diana. Was.
Ultimately, the question is, considering he's so hot on assigning values to other people, now he's not actually doing anything worth talking of, What's The Point Of You, Piers Morgan?

A Warning For Young People

Messrs. Glands and Black present:

Satellite B - Enter the Deviants

Admin

Firstly, apologies. Quality here has dropped of late, due to a combination of the morally corrupting factors of strong liquor and hard work in other spheres. I intend to make sure that on my part there is at least one update per week, including both New Art Things and actual political content/comment. Although I can't speak for other users, I will do my best to coerce them into adopting a similar work ethic. Furthermore, as of (probably) next week, automati.tk and withiel.tk will be shut down and made part of the large Rhexis site. Automati will probably retain its name, and will be updated with more comics work, whereas withieltk will probably be got rid of entirely until I can get myself a personal webspace for it. However, the galleries will remain and be added to, and I'm planning on making some sort of "Culture Archive", where it'll be possible to find lots and lots of art and music downloads. I will also look into batching some comics up as .pdfs.

In my absence, I have not been entirely idle. Below is the first part (of two) of my self-written and -drawn Jenny Everywhere project, "Jenny Everywhere VS Hell".


The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.

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(Apologies for the slightly worse quality scans at the end: I don't have access to my usual scanner, and the programme I use to clean them up is different here as well.)

FRANK SNOW Only Drinks Bottled Water

FRANK SNOW irrigates his brain with vodka just like Edison.

One day this will work and FRANK SNOW will stop ejaculating into reservoirs.

"Edison Hate Future" is copyright 2005 Warren Ellis. FRANK SNOW snorted the last person to try and copyright him through a small straw.

Withiel

When I said "call me back in two hours," that was exactly what I meant. I did not mean "have me wait two and a half hours until I get impatient and call you, answer with complete and utter gibberish from what sounds distinctly like a pub or similar public venue on a number of occasions before simply not answering, forcing me to send you text messages trying to work out what's going on and eventually leave a terse message on your answer machine." If you decide to change your plans (read: ditch me), please let me know in future, as there's usually better things I can do other than sitting here like a complete fool wondering what's happened.

I fully expect you to contact me before Wednesday. If not for any other reason than the fact that I can't buy the booze until you give me your half of the cash.

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EDIT
Okay, now that I've calmed down a little, that was probably a little harsh, for which I'm sorry. I'm leaving it up though, as the point still stands. Please call me as soon as you read this.