Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Here's to Unorthodoxy

Fuck the British education system.

I'm off.

To Hell with A-levels, University, employment.

I have the intelligence, the balls, and the arrogance to make it without being screwed around by this pisspoor factorial charade (oh, it was supposed to be an educational policy? Really? It looked more like some sort of octopus...)

I'm going to learn a skill, then become a professional creator. Once I have a skill I'll never need to put myself in the state's power again. Even when I'm living on the poverty line as an artist.

I never thought it would come to this. I have always followed the beaten path trampled for me by the bleating throngs of the secure Western middle classes.

Now I'm sick of it. I will probably never get A-levels, and almost certainly never attend university - but I will escape the system, and I will prove I can make my way without it, because my bitter Christ this system needs breaking. I refuse to supplicate myself to the impersonal conformity-mould that is the product of some of our finest fucking committee-thinkers, they who would improve our efficacy as a nation of toil-obsessed unthinking employees through the gift of flow charts and paperwork and blanket policies and targets. Let's just be grateful that there weren't any real educators let in on the process, you know, those guys who do all the teaching and have been in the game for years, the ones who can see what the system is doing to its students, and know where it is failing those whom it is there to serve.

I never used to think about the academic route in this way. I was a good boy. I did what I was told - well - not really. But I believed in the process.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right...

See what you've done to me? I'm lucky. The inadequacy of the system caused me to leave it. For most the inadequacy of the system merely causes them to form part of an inadequate system.

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority, cos
I want to be the minority...

I will miss the Royal Grammar School. It pains me to have leave the Music, the Drama, the English, and (stunningly) the Combined Conformity Force - Army section. I was a corporal. Hey, I like playing with guns and climbing mountains. The authority there, being a school cadet force, was generally benevolent or bearable. And I made a point of not pressing my trousers or shaving. Ha. The petty things we do to empower ourselves.

Wish me luck.


Monday, August 30, 2004

An Ode to Goatse

This is my fabled Goatse song. Tune is based on the Aerosmith version of the "Spiderman" theme tune, lyrics written by me, performed by me (and my lovely computer). Lyrics go like this:

to the tune of "Spiderman"

Goatseman, Goatseman,
Does whatever a sphincter can,
See him stretch,
Open wide,
Bloody Hell you can see his insides,
Look out...here comes the Goatse...man

Is it wide?
Listen, Fred,
Into that hole you could fit your head,
See him gape on the Internet,
Breaks you out in a cold cold sweat,
Look out...here comes the Goatse...man (SQUISH! SQUISH! SQUISH!)

Thursday, August 26, 2004


Dateline: Durango, Colorado.

I'm not apologising for not posting, because this is my holiday. So there.
However, because I am magnanimous and lots of other similar things, here is a post. Huzzah!
On the site news front, the aloofhosting account has come through, meaning that as soon as I get home on the 29th, there will be lots of updates of the imagey variety. Meanwhile, have a link to my coolgoose account, where you can hear three two demo versions of songs I've recorded here.
I've been travelling America for the past 11 days, and therefore have lots and lots of inspiration with which to draw and paint. But they have yet to discover the flatbed scanner over here, apparently. So you'll have to wait until either I get back or my sketchbook is found in the wreckage of my crashed BA flight.
It's odd out here, actually - the skies are so enormous, and the shadows so flat, that it's clearly a land optimised for screaming monotheism or suicide. Also, I have advice on visiting Wyoming. It's this:


There's honestly nothing there, bar Yellowstone National Park, and lots and lots of scrubland.
Anyway, I must conclude this post due to possible time running out in the internet cafe, but hopefully the site wiill be back to normal (and better) soon.