Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Pre-Election Post

Because ~X~ has failed to do our election coverage, I'm knocking up a quick election guide. As you might have guessed, we've got a bit of a bias towards the old Lib Dems around these parts. However, we're dedicated to providing an unbiased service* to our lovely readers, we've cunningly gathered up** all the manifestoes for your reading pleasure.

*this is what's commonly known as "a lie".
**leeched from the bbc website.

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LIBERAL DEMOCRAT MANIFESTO

LABOUR MANIFESTO

CONSERVASCUMTIVE MANIFESTO

MISCELLANEOUS SCUM

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Furthermore, actually voting is actually rather important this time: Mr. Blair has stated that he'll let the public decide whether or not he lied over Iraq or not, effectively converting any vote for Labour into a tacit approval for his policy of setting fire to small sandy countries for no appreciable reason. Furthermore, there's not much point voting for Mr. Howard, as he's managed to make himself look even more war-hungry than the Prime Minister by saying that he'd have gone to war even if he'd known that there were no WMDs there. And, I hasten to add, condemned the minimum wage as a "dangerous" measure before its introduction. UKIP co-founder Nigel Farage is on record as saying that "We never expected the nig-nogs to vote for us", and I can't actually be bothered to spend any more time on the loony nationalist shites, so I'll just give you this to read (Thanks to Laura for that one). It's probably not best to mention the BNP anywhere near me, unless you've got limbs you just don't need any more.
I'm voting Liberal Democrat, because I honestly believe them to be the "real alternative" - I'll not vote Labour because of Iraq and terror legislation and Order 4, although I do live in a Conservative stronghold, and hope for an Old Labour back-bench revolution. I still say we hold Blair down and make him read the back of his party membership card under the influence of Sodium Pentothal. Ideally, I'd want to see the Green Party in power, because they're easily the most radical leftist major party, but there's little chance of them getting in, and the two "main" parties seem so essentially dangerous that I can't risk letting either Scum ('Red')or Worse Than Scum (Blue) getting in.
Whatever you do, even if you vote for the Conservative Party Hate and Tax Cuts or spoil your ballot, vote for something: not because people died to allow you the right to vote, or because it's your duty, but because if you don't turn up, the fascists with metal plates in their heads will. It's not as if you can't protest by ballot-spoiling rather than be counted among the "apathetic", after all.
Warren Ellis just wrote on his BAD SIGNAL email journal: ...for God's sake, either vote or make bombs. If you're
incapable of either, then you don't get to have an
opinion on what happens after. Simple as that.


And I agree.

If you don't, tell me at rhexis.stealthsuit@gmail.com or in the forums.
I'm listening.


THIS JUST IN: "We've done our best to serve our country" ~ T.Blair - on the news just now: In which case, if this is the best you can do, you can sod right off to whatever focus group spawned your centre-right fuckwittery, and satisfy your bizarre urges by chucking fireworks into a sandbox or something.

FURTHERMORE:
This idea pleases me muchly

2 Comments:

At 6:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.gbjab.com/

Election jingle!

 
At 6:06 pm, Blogger Sable X. Veins said...

Clear Liberal bias there, but would have preferred more explicit representation of Liberal policies, rather than the standard "here's Charley Kennedy, isn't he quiet, but he's not Tony and he's not Michael."

B-

Must try harder next election.

 

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