Sunday, March 13, 2005

Amateur Anthropology. #1

The "I'm MAAAAD"* me!?!?"

These aren't exactly Sloanes, but there is an appreciable crossover - these are the self-consciously "kooky" (mostly) girls who drink a large amount of Lambrini, sway from side to side and repeat their characteristic phrase at you, generally while pretending to be bisexual or like Tori Amos. However, any hint of genuine deviancy or mention of anything actually countercultural, and the catch-all pejorative description "just weird" is applied. As in:

ME: "Oh, you're mad, you, eh? What do you think of the new Mars Volta album?"
I'M MAD ME: "Urrgh! They're just WEEIRD!?! Do you have any more Lambrini?"
ME: "Fuck sake**, you useless, airheaded hypocrite. I assume you're aware of the intrinsic contradiction of adopting an "eccentric" pose to mark you out from your "mates" while never. actually. doing. anything original? How long did it take you to come up with the oh-so-brilliant idea of coming up to people and saying "fish" at them? And for the love of ALL THAT IS SEMEN-STAINED, the word "Random" cannot be used except to denote an unpredictable outcome of an event. "Ohh, I'm sooo RANDOM! FISH! FISH! PENGUIN!" is NOT A FUCKING SENTENCE. Now go away before I deflower you with this here sharp stick."

And people wonder why I drink so much.

* pronounced "mahd"
**Yes, this is how I pronounce it.


At 9:29 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I go to school with some of those people. Well, I don't think, I know.
(I like Tori Amos. Don't hit me. I don't have any image of myself as some magical sparkly fae-girl, though.)
- Laura

At 9:42 pm, Blogger Thaddeus "B." Glands said...

Whilst they may not be mad (only maaaad), drinking Lamrbini does indicate some sort of mental disorder.


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