Humour me as I rant about adverts
This will be an Internet First, I imagine, as I intend to write this post without once mentioning C**** F***.
The bastarding adverts on Classic FM have started to dissolve my mind. Not that I voluntarily listen to the "Smooooth passage to the afterlife" station, but during the unfortunately-quite-frequent times when I have to, the adverts really get to me. And the reason is this: they fucking.cut.the.adverts.at.random, and often play the same one over and over again. (I assume this is to prevent you just tuning out.)
So your typical ad break will sound something like this:
"By donating to JudaeoChristian Aid, I helped to sponsor Gerald, a poor Lithuanian boy, to b-LOVE HORSES, BEST OF ALL THE ANI-o you get tired of those stereotypical youths with their nasty hoodies and sexual liberation? Buy this week's Mail on Sunday, and get a free truncheon, which which to-LOVE HORSES, BEST OF ALL THE poor Lithuanian boy, Gerald, a poor Lithuanian boy DAIIILLLYY MAIIILLLLOVE HORSES"
Something along the lines of Finnegan's Wake, as written by advertising executives keyed into the right frame of mind by having been kept in a urine-smelling room and fed only Werther's Originals for several months. WHY MUST THEY DO IT WHY WHY MY EARS.
Furthermore, I think I'm going to introduce a weekly slot around here, with a different writer each week. Possibly with a set theme. What do you lot think? [Get on with it then - Subed]