Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A Brief Miscellany

FREE TRADE

...makes sense. Calling free trade "Thatcherite" is like calling toothbrushing "Hitlerite"; neither was the inventor of the former, and simply supporting the technique, however mismanaged, does not make it evil by association. Both Churchill and Clinton were advocates of open borders (war withstanding) and free trade, and whilst it causes temporary job loss, it also creates jobs, and improves the economy and opportunity for both countries employing the policy, and those struggling to survive.

I will post a coherent argument in favour of free trade, and exactly why it compromises PRECISELY NONE of socialist libertarian ideals, when there is the inevitable general uproar of WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? CAPITALIST PIG! EXPLAIN YOURSELF! REMEMBER THE ALAMO! WOULD YOU LIKE A FRENCH FANCY?


FURTHER CATERING BULLSHIT

"You have to put Orange-Juice-and-Lemonade in an Old Regular glass, not a Pint glass, and Lattes in mugs, not Capuccino cups."

"OJ-and-Lemonade looks fine in a pint glass, and Lattes look better in Capuccino cups. There's no picture of either in the menu, so you can't use that ridiculous 'ALL PRODUCTS MUST MATCH THE IMAGE OF GOD' argument again."

"Harvester is a branded restaurant. If people have been to a Harvester somewhere else, and then order the same drink here and get it in a different cup, they complain. Harvester is a branded restaurant."

WHAT?

1. NOBODY WILL NOTICE THAT THE DRINK IS IN A DIFFERENT RECEPTICLE.

2. NOBODY WILL CARE THAT THE DRINK IS IN A DIFFERENT RECEPTICLE EXCEPT THE REGIONAL MANAGER, WHO JUDGING BY HIS ANAL-RETENTIVE ADHERENCE TO THE HEAD OFFICE'S DRINK DISPLAY LAYOUT, HAS NO CONCEPT OF HOW TO SELL BY CORRECT DISPLAY OR, INDEED, HOW TO RUN A PUBLIC HOUSE.

3. YOU CANNOT BRAND-REGULATE SERVICE. Coke is a product. Wherever people go, they expect it to taste the same. The Harvester is a chain of restaurants and pubs. Every Harvester is in a completely different building, with a different manager and different staff, at a different level of catch-up with ever-changing procedures and products, in a different area, with different clientèle. Chemicals are controllable, people are DIFFERENT. You can, and in many cases should, ensure that a product is exactly the same wherever it is. You cannot, and will only encourage resentment and counterproductivity if you do, ensure that a service is exactly the same wherever it is.

6 Comments:

At 12:12 am, Blogger Oscillating Hazelnut said...

More than likely the layout of the drink display cabinet is decided by suited people who come from a magic land called the Head Office and issue "plannograms" despite having neither knowledge nor clue of the day to day realities of the situation in your branch. Such is life in the retail trade.

 
At 5:03 am, Blogger Sable X. Veins said...

Sweet, pissing Jesus! I thought that plan-o-grams were unpleasant buzzwordy neologisms created by Harvester head office!

 
At 4:14 pm, Blogger Oscillating Hazelnut said...

Nope, a "plannogram" is an unpleasant buzzwordy neologism invented by overpaid management consultants at some sort of conference wherein they all copied each other. You must stick to the plannogram or the Quality Assurance nazis will come and eat you up!

 
At 4:28 pm, Blogger Sable X. Veins said...

Yes, our Quality Assurance Nazi was a gentleman referred redundantly and confusingly as the "Retail Business Manager", although any sane person would tell you that this actually means Area Manager.

But you can't call him the "Area Manager", because that would make his abbrev. "AM", which would confuse him with the real "AMs", viz. "Assistant Managers" (a role clearly defined as subordinate to both the "Manager" and "Deputy (aka Duty) Managers", but superior to Trainee Managers (or as the Harvester called them, "Rising Stars" (no, really)). There were no chefs, only "Kitchen Managers", and the "KM" was usually also an/the "AM".

Got all that? Good little "Team Member" ("TM"?).

 
At 1:36 am, Blogger Oscillating Hazelnut said...

Hahaha, at ROC (Retail Operation Company, the part of ExxonMobil responsible for pumping gas and flogging nasty limp sandwiches to taxi drivers) we were Sales Advisors, and there were Supervisors, Store Managers (SMs for short, though no SM was into BD) then Territory Managers, then Area Managers. Then there were RExIE (Retail Excellence In Execution, the Quality Assurance fascists) and the "Power Sales Advisors," who were basically the on-the-job training people.

 
At 1:29 am, Blogger Sable X. Veins said...

'Struth.

"SUCK ON MY RED TAPE, SANITY!"

 

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